a realization of great things comes not from the quest for great things but from the quest for, and if sought after with all the heart, discovery of, great love.  shannon talked my ear off about this today, but it really made sense.  then i listened to a song about mercy and found thats something I don't even come close to understanding.  A thing that regenerates each day and never runs out but can be portioned out to those who are in need of it in perfect proportion to the need.  Who is not in need of mercy?  I find it may be mercy more often than faith that allows for my heart to believe the things it does.  Faith told me that you are real, oh my god, and your mercy allowed me to revel in that.  Faith is belief, mercy gives us a heart with that very ability.  I found myself desiring to delve into this while my hands worked at a tedious, though completely unstimulating, job today.  Now that I have the time, other things quickly fill it.  A phone call, a need to empty my brain on to a blank canvas that I found in xanga (something I've been a long time in turning to), a desperate desire to know that all I have in front of me will look just as good when it is all behind me.  That's an interesting thought, because I've found that there is a mutation of sorts between the future and the past--speaking of a certain event.  In other words, remember when you saw that graduation stage before you...now look at it.  Sort of a different perspective.  All the way from freedom to bondage, from liberation to fear and from love to hatred.  It is the never ending desire to control, to judge oneself, to dream and wish and change even if that change only takes place in dreams of the day....